all began with a visit to my post office box a couple
of weeks ago, where to my delight I actually found
two pieces of mail.
They were business-sized envelopes
with windows through which I could see my name printed
on a computer-generated form. One envelope had in
the upper left-hand corner the name 'Valerie Morrison'
and, beneath that, squiggly lines which I took to
be representations of brain waves. (This was an
easy guess, since printed across the envelope were
also the words "This powerful Brain wave pattern
inside could be worth thousands of dollars!")
The other envelope had a return
address in the name of Irene Hughes, with a P.O.
box in Las Vegas. On Irene's envelope, there was
a printed message which claimed she had written
me recently. She was contacting me again, she said,
because the information she had could change my
You can imagine how hard it was
to choose which one to open first.
I decided to save the brain waves
addressing me as her "dear friend," Irene
begins by stating that she knows that I am surprised
by the receipt of this letter, but that it comes
"not a moment too soon." Irene goes on
to introduce herself and explain that my name had
somehow gotten onto her "special list."
( She doesn't explain what the list is, though-or
how names get on it.) Recently, Irene writes, she
had been struck with a psychic gut feeling that
she should contact me immediately. The feeling was
strong enough, apparently, to bear the expense of
mailing a packet of information along with her letter.
She also included a black-and-white picture of herself.
All this trouble just for me.
As it turns out, Irene is a world-famous
psychic who is well-known and "talked about
on radio and TV." Oprah Winfrey and Merv Griffin
both know Irene very well, and while they are the
only two personalities mentioned by name, she claims
to be the psychic consultants for "Film and
TV stars, Government officials, High ranking Church
officials and clergymen, and leaders of Industry."
She's obviously a very busy lady. I'm touched that
she took the time to tell me personally of her concern
about my well-being.
is aware, she writes, of the rough times I'm experiencing
and the disappointments I've had in the past. She
also knows that I deserve more riches out of life.
Thankfully, it is within her powers to show me the
way to go and the choices to make during the next
365 days of my life. With her guidance, she says,
I will finally get all that I've dreamed of and
desired, within the next year.
After a few testimonials to her
phenomenal success rate, Irene mentions how great
it would be to be driving a Cadillac or a Mercedes.
With her help, I'll be able to do just that, as
well as finally getting my personal life squared
away, to boot. For her to do all of this is "routine,"
she writes-in the same way a good doctor helps you
when you're sick or a good lawyer takes care of
you when you're in trouble.
In order to help me, though, Irene
needs more "personal psychic details"
so she can complete my Personal Forecast & Life
Development Chart. To this end, Irene has enclosed
a psychic interview form which asks such questions
as "Do you believe you have been unlucky in
life?" and "Are you often depressed about
things?" It also asks what I would do if I
won the lottery.
Would I quit my job?
Would I be generous?
Once I complete the form, I simply
need to mail it and a check for a mere $20 (Irene
usually gets $500 per consultation) to Las Vegas
for processing. Soon, Irene will provide me with
a complete 365-day astrological and psychic guide
which will take me down the path to good fortune.
Tempting, isn't it?
Morrison and the brain wave letter were next. It
opened promisingly: "G. Thomas Powell...help
me! I need your help now!"
With that, Valerie certainly got
my attention. After all, it's not every day I receive
a personally-addressed postal S.O.S. from someone
I've never even heard of, much less actually know.
After saying that she had been up all night writing
the letter, she then writes, "You know that
I am a psychic. Everyone knows that." I don't
know if I would agree with either of those statements,
but Valerie is the one with magnificent psychic
powers, not me.
She pauses for a moment to fill
me in a little bit about how psychic powers are
strange and unpredictable. She then tells me that
she has the ability to foresee the future with varying
degrees of force, depending upon the strength of
the current "cycle" or "wave"
she's experiencing. Sometimes the forces are so
strong that Valerie breaks into a sweat and has
so many revelations flashing in her head that she
thinks she's delirious. She'll go into a trance
where "winning numbers" are revealed to
Other times, she writes, she can
barely do anything.
night before this letter, though, Valerie had the
strongest psychic episode of her entire life. This
is how Valerie describes her vision: "I saw
many incredible and wonderful things. I saw your
winning numbers and gigantic amounts of money in
startling detail. AND G. THOMAS, I THOUGHT ABOUT
YOU! I COULD NOT GET YOU OUT OF MIND."
The forces got stronger and stronger
until Valerie, scared that something was seriously
wrong, called her doctor, an old family friend who
happens to be a brain specialist. He came right
over, took one look at Valerie and immediately whisked
her off to the hospital. There he hooked her up
to an electroencephalogram (which Valerie is nice
enough to explain is "a special machine that
measures brain waves").
When the brain waves started printing
out, the doctor was amazed and said they were the
most incredible ones he had ever seen in his medical
career. They indicated "an enormous amount
of mental energy" and looked as if they had
been scanned from the brain of a "super-powered
The most astonishing thing about this incident,
according to Valerie, is that during this period
of time she continued to think about me, G. Thomas
Powell, and the good things that were in store for
me. She says she feels I am "the cause of the
powerful psychic brainstorm [she] was experiencing."
the envelope was a small piece of white paper with
three blue squiggly lines running across it.
Yes, they are Valerie's brain
She explains that in order for
me to end the psychic torment she is still undergoing,
I must establish a mental link with her. Once that
is accomplished, Valerie will be able to provide
me with clearer details on how to obtain the riches
she saw waiting for me in her vision.
Valerie therefore instructs me
to take the brain-waves printout and hold it to
my forehead for one full minute. I should concentrate
on money and synchronizing my thoughts with her.
Afterwards, I'm supposed to stick the printout and
my check for $20 in the special courier envelope
that's been provided and mail them off to Valerie.
She'll be contacting me shortly with information
she gleans from the union of our two brains.
Oh yes: please remember to make
your check payable to VALERIE MORRISON'S BRAIN WAVE.
these two letters, it certainly seemed as if I was
meant to receive psychic counseling from someone.
So I first secured a promise from WAG's editors
to bankroll my attempts to gain riches through the
help of a mail-order psychic. Then I had to decide
which psychic to use.
To be honest, it really didn't take long to pick
Valerie and the brain waves as the way to fame and
fortune. After all, I do feel a little guilty about
giving her a brain fever. And I'm sure her stay
in the hospital cost much more than $20.
Before sending the brain-waves
printout back to her, though, I'm going to take
a few days to meditate with it against my forehead.
After all, a few hours of concentrating on Valerie's
brain would have to be a lot better that just one
lousy minute. I want to make sure I establish firm
and complete contact with the amazing brain of Valerie
Stay tuned for an update on what
Valerie reveals to me as I begin my journey towards
financial and spiritual fulfillment.